Child's Self Esteem
REACH for the STARS!

Fun kids game builds
a child's self esteem
and teaches values!

Offer Choices

Nobody likes to be told exactly what to do all the time. As parents we think we need to tell a child how, where, and what to do. Children want to make choices and even small children have the ability to make good choices. Choices need to be age appropriate.

For example, your two-year old child is eating macaroni and cheese and you ask,"Would you like a fork or a spoon?" The choice may seem inconsequential, but it is still a choice. This small child will feel some ownership in having selected a spoon over a fork. As children grow older so do the amount of choices. Be careful not to give too many choices at once to a small child as it can confuse them. When children learn to make choices that recieve positive feedback, they are more likely to continue making such choices. The child's feelings of self-worth increase as he thinks, "I'm a good kid because I know how to make good choices."

Teach Responsibility

As you allow children to make choices, realize that they will make some choices that have negative consequenses. When a child makes a wrong choice, the natural inclination of the parent is to find a way to rescue the child from the choice. For example, after constant reminding, your child forgets to take their lunch to school. You as the parent can't bear for them to be hungry and run the child his lunch. This may continue day after day as the child has learned if they are not responsible, you will fix it for them. This won't help self-esteem, but hurts it.

To teach responsibility in this situation, the parent won't bring the lunch. The child will go hungry for one day but probably won't forget the lunch again. When the child comes home, the parent might respond, "Oh, I'm sorry you forgot your lunch. You must have been so hungry. I bet you won't forget it tomorrow." A child with feelings of well-being is responsible and can depend on themselves.

Teach children that things won't always go their way. They may not get a part in a play, become class president, or win a soccer game. It is O.K. for children to feel pain; life can be very painful. Teach children how to responsibly and positively deal with disappointments.

J.D. Hawkins, president of the National Association for Self-Esteem has said, "If you are not personally and socially responsible, then your self-worth is built on a false reality and, therefore, it's not healthy."

Conclusion

Parents want nothing more than to have a confident child who makes good choices. While praise and rewards when used appropriately can help in building a child's self-esteem, there is much more to it. Children need to be taught how to feel successful, deal with emotions, make good choices, and be responsible for themselves. Good luck and remember as a parent you'll make mistakes. Allow yourself to learn from them just as you would your child.

Catherine Duke, B.S.